Can’t help but try to lighten the mood of this blog a bit. Everyone needs a good laugh once in a while.
Here’s the story of three men who died and went to heaven. At heavens orientation ceremony, each of them were asked,
When you were in your casket and friends and family were mourning you, what would you have loved to hear them say about you?
The first man said, "I would have loved to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would have loved to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, " would have loved to hear them say... LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
A young vicar, who was so nervous at his first mass that he could hardly speak, asked a senior vicar’s advice on how he could relax. The senior vicar told him: "Next week it may help if you put some Vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips everything should go smoothly." The following Sunday the new vicar put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm and did just great. Upon returning to the rectory, he found the following message on a note from the senior vicar:
- Next time, sip rather than gulp.
- There are 10 commandments, not 12.
- There are 12 disciples not 10.
- David slew Goliath; he did not kick his ass.
- WE do not refer to our savior Jesus Christ and his apostles as "J.C. and the boys."
- Next week there is a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peters, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
- We do not refer to the cross as the "The Big T."
- The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as "Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook."
- The recommended Grace before meals is not "Rub-A-Dub, thanks for the grub, Yo God!"
- Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
- Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
- When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
- When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."