It’s good to have friends.

Since my return I’ve been bombarded with all sorts of mail, some of which are extremely funny and some just too hilarious for words. I guess my friend who’s been sending me jokes after jokes just want me to forget the gloom of the past weeks. Thanks for this friend, I had quite a laugh.
Hope you all enjoy it also.

Home For The Holidays!
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says,
"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this,
so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take
care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at
the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single
thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back,
and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a
thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone, too, and turns to his wife.
"Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now what
do we tell them for Christmas?"

Last Confession
Jake was on his deathbed. His wife, Susan, was maintaining a vigil by
his side. As she held his fragile hand, tears ran down her face. Her praying
roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move
slightly.
"My darling Susan," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said.

"Rest. Shhh. Don't talk." He was insistent.

"Susan," he said in his tired voice. "I have something I must confess to you."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Susan. "Everything's all right, go to sleep."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with your sister, your best friend, and your mother."

"I know," she replied. "That's why I poisoned you."