Tuesday, April 17, 2007

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms Prt 3

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, it seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old. I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy. I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious. She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife, which was her favorite. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old. That was what he thought... he returned home with the hope of giving his wife the flowers, as he came through the driveway, there were cars, there was his and her family at his house, his heart beating fast, as he was about to walk through the door, a stretcher with a body wrapped in white was coming out, he sobbed his heart out as he realized it was his wife and that when he carried her out of the house in his arms that morning it was the last time. He thought of all the time he'd wasted, the pain he caused his wife during her last days, not realizing he had given the virus to her, he realized then that he neglected a thing so beautiful and wonderful, a treasure he should have preserved, but it was too late, the damage had already been done, all the things he could have done differently, all the things he could have said, all the times they could have done things to make their love grow, all the sweet memories they should have built.........nothing could turn back the clock. Reality hit, he was a selfish self absorbent fool, a womanizer with no morals who brought shame and death to his home because of greed and lack of respect for women and in this case particularly his wife, and the sad reality of his wife dying and the inevitability of him too dying leaving their son and AIDS orphan hit home.

Married: Don't take your marriage for granted. Remember the vows u made before God. Fights with all that u have. God bless.

Single but wish to get married: Know your ideal partner & not settle for less coz u'll end-up in the divorce court.


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